Trust

Trust......

Such a small word so simple and yet so full of meaning. To everyone it has a different depth of meaning. And for each person as they look upon those in their life the word trust evokes a different feeling.

We have those in our life that we trust implicitly without question, without doubt, without reservation. Those people are a rare find and when found we hold onto them with both hands and our whole heart. Some people never find that person, ever. I have thankfully.

We have those people in our life that we have grown to trust, the people we take a deep breath find our faith, bare our souls to and trust because without that leap of faith life would be a far lonelier place. These people aren't easy to find either because finding them means having faith in yourself that you can make a sound decision I have a few of these people in my life and I'm grateful for them my life is far more full with them than without them.


We have those people we used to trust but no longer do. They are still in our life, still part of our present, still part of our now and most likely still part of future but never part of our circle of trust. They are on the outside a reminder of why trust is so sacred, of how trust can be broken, of how it can be abused. Trust is fragile something to be nurtured, it requires give and take, or like anything else it dies. I also have these people in my life. I could force them out of my life surely but it is a far better thing to keep them here as that reminder to be mindful, watchful and ever careful with my trust.

The most important trust of all, is the deepest kind of trust. Trusting yourself. Listening to the voice inside of you. This is the hardest trust to obtain. Before you can trust yourself you have to be brutally honest. You can't lie to yourself and still trust yourself. Trusting yourself doesn't happen overnight. I'm working on it have been for some time now. I've found that on the road to doing so you think you're there and suddenly a new door opens up and you realize you have miles to go before your done.......

I could care less.....

Most people don't mean it when they say they don't care what other people think. 9 times out of 10 I mean it. Sure I don't want people to think I'm a mass murder, bad human etc but aside from that I truly don't care.

If you don't like my political views, such is life. I'm a Republican, right wing conservative with mildly moderate leanings. I believe in the Constitution, the right to bear arms, God and being a patriot. If you don't like that well that's just too damn bad. I also strongly believe my most important job always will be raising my children. I don't believe in crying it out, I do believe in co-sleeping, breast feeding is best. Formula Feeding is not as good and wearing your baby is more natural than sticking them in a playpen for hours at a time. Natural childbirth is normal not something to be scared of a C-section is something to be Terrified of and if you aren't intelligent enough to research your birth choices more than your car, or home buying choices than you have no business having a child. Babywise is an evil book and every copy I see will be purchased and destroyed.

I'm an opinionated thing. I've been told by a very wonderful friend on more than one occasion that I lack a filter and I'm as subtle as a sledge hammer. Frankly I'm fine with that. Because one thing is for sure with me what you see is what you get. I'm consistent. I don't change who I am from one person to the next. I don't change my political views based on what crowd I'm with, or my religious views based on what church I'm standing in.

I home school my children because I don't like the gang influences, the sexual influences and the total lack of true responsibility taught to our children. Not to mention the sad state of our public schools these days but that is a rant for another time. I get judged for home schooling and yet my children are very well adjusted, highly social, very intelligent and empathetic towards others. The same cannot be said for many others of their ages.

I've been told I sound like a snob but it's less about being a snob and more about stating facts. I speak the truth as I see it.

I'm opinionated yes, does that mean I'm always right.....no. Does that mean I'm always wrong.....no. But life isn't about being right or wrong. It's about living life on your terms, your way, in a manner you can live with. Because at the end of the day you want to be able to look in the mirror and recognize who you're looking at opinions and all.

Leaving the Past Behind.

I am constantly amazed at how people hold onto the past. I'm not referring to the typical memories that we all want and should hold onto. Picture of our babies, cards our loved ones have given to us, mementos of our youth. Those of course we will always have with us. These are things that most people always keep a little bit of in boxes here and there. They rarely take over our lives but rather hold a small place in it. When we need a reminder of that lovely time in our lives we pull out the box filter through the pieces and when we're done file them away till we need the again.

I find I'm saddened by those that hold onto the past like a talisman. The stroke it and hold it close even when it causes them pain. I know a few people who hold onto the pain of child hood or even the "popularity" of high-school as though it were yesterday. Decades have passed and yet they can pull upon those memories, thoughts and events as though they had happened only moments ago. It is their crutch. They allow it to paint their every day actions and excuse their bad behaviors. Petulance and Over sized ego's blend into an every day drama that seems to wash away any and all good sense when it comes to how to behave. We all have pain from childhood, we all have drama in our lives and there is no scale upon which to measure it. Mine is not more than yours and yours is not more than mine. That which is in the past is exactly that in the past. If you are indeed a grown up and have not found a way to leave your pain from the past ....in the past, then that needs to be your first priority.

My childhood was no picnic. But I survived it. I'm a grown woman with children that I will give a better life to than I had. I've learned quite simply that resentment is very simply a sharp stone held in the hand. It hurts no one but myself. Have I let all of it go? No. But I have found good ways to deal. Quite simply people grow up. Move on. You aren't children any more, you aren't teenagers any more, get over yourselves and realize it's not all about you any more.