Monday, January 31, 2011
The Invisible Power
So I'm going to whine, fair warning for anyone that doesn't want to read further. Not of course that anyone is reading in the first place but well warning all the same.
I like many other women my age am a wife and mother. Add to that I home school, work part time and have four children not just one or two. It's a lot of work but well worth it. Suddenly Turkey day 2010 kicked my ass. A flaming headache took all my carefully laid plans for the day and threw them out the window. I spent the day in a dark room trying not to hurl and canceling all my holiday plans. My husband amazing man that he is managed to cook turkey day dinner, clean house, and keep our children happy.
I had assumed that by the next day I would be noticeably better. I couldn't have been more wrong. Instead a week later I was at my doctors office with only mild pain relief and true neurological symptoms. In other words my brain had stopped functioning and forgotten to tel me. I had speech issues, memory issues, a lack of reflexive response on my left side including response to touch and sound. My blood pressure was high and I was down 12 pounds. For someone whose average weight hovers around 110lbs this was a biggie.
My doctor who I'll cal Dr. N ordered agreed with me that I was looking at a possible case of viral meningitis, which I've had before. He ordered a CatScan and a spinal tap. The very idea of a needle in my spine was terrifying. Four children and not an epidural in the bunch and yet here I was in the fetal position while two different doctors plunge a needle in my spine repeatedly trying to find fluid. The dilauded they gave me helped but it was no trip to Victoria's Secret.
The catscan came back normal except for the shrunken frontal cortex. Which Dr. N says is no big deal. Well I saw the "no big deal" and if it was his brain he wouldn't be saying that but that's another story.
Another week later and I was still in pain still suffering from neurological issues and beginning to find everyday life a strain. So Dr. N orders an MRI of my brain. Little did I know that a ride in the brain tunnel would lead to my own Pandora's box being opened.
A casual phone call from Dr. N gave me a "your fine" and "you have Chiari 1 malformation, but it's no big deal. follow up with a neurologist for the headaches and have a great Christmas." Umm okay. So off I go to google and suddenly the last ten years of my life and most of all the last month or so begins to make sense. I described it to a great friend of mine as always having the pieces of a puzzle but no picture to reference. Suddenly someone had given me a picture. All the things that I had been fighting even before Thanksgiving now made sense.
It wasn't just tired from being a mom, the constant pressure at the back of my head make sense, not everyone has to have their husband push on the base of their skull just to get pain relief, weakness in your hand and arms isn't typical and chewing doesn't make everyone feel like their going to pass out. Huh go figure.
I could tell you all about Chiari 1 malformation but I couldn't do it justice. It is the invisible power over me. IT sounds dramatic and if you know me at all you'd know I loathe drama. But it's true so very true. I look at my life as before Thanksgiving and after Thanksgiving.
I've heard a lot of people tell me "it's no big deal" well I will continue to believe that my brain slipping down into my spinal cord is a big deal.
There. Now back to our regularly scheduled random bouts of witty nothingness.
I like many other women my age am a wife and mother. Add to that I home school, work part time and have four children not just one or two. It's a lot of work but well worth it. Suddenly Turkey day 2010 kicked my ass. A flaming headache took all my carefully laid plans for the day and threw them out the window. I spent the day in a dark room trying not to hurl and canceling all my holiday plans. My husband amazing man that he is managed to cook turkey day dinner, clean house, and keep our children happy.
I had assumed that by the next day I would be noticeably better. I couldn't have been more wrong. Instead a week later I was at my doctors office with only mild pain relief and true neurological symptoms. In other words my brain had stopped functioning and forgotten to tel me. I had speech issues, memory issues, a lack of reflexive response on my left side including response to touch and sound. My blood pressure was high and I was down 12 pounds. For someone whose average weight hovers around 110lbs this was a biggie.
My doctor who I'll cal Dr. N ordered agreed with me that I was looking at a possible case of viral meningitis, which I've had before. He ordered a CatScan and a spinal tap. The very idea of a needle in my spine was terrifying. Four children and not an epidural in the bunch and yet here I was in the fetal position while two different doctors plunge a needle in my spine repeatedly trying to find fluid. The dilauded they gave me helped but it was no trip to Victoria's Secret.
The catscan came back normal except for the shrunken frontal cortex. Which Dr. N says is no big deal. Well I saw the "no big deal" and if it was his brain he wouldn't be saying that but that's another story.
Another week later and I was still in pain still suffering from neurological issues and beginning to find everyday life a strain. So Dr. N orders an MRI of my brain. Little did I know that a ride in the brain tunnel would lead to my own Pandora's box being opened.
A casual phone call from Dr. N gave me a "your fine" and "you have Chiari 1 malformation, but it's no big deal. follow up with a neurologist for the headaches and have a great Christmas." Umm okay. So off I go to google and suddenly the last ten years of my life and most of all the last month or so begins to make sense. I described it to a great friend of mine as always having the pieces of a puzzle but no picture to reference. Suddenly someone had given me a picture. All the things that I had been fighting even before Thanksgiving now made sense.
It wasn't just tired from being a mom, the constant pressure at the back of my head make sense, not everyone has to have their husband push on the base of their skull just to get pain relief, weakness in your hand and arms isn't typical and chewing doesn't make everyone feel like their going to pass out. Huh go figure.
I could tell you all about Chiari 1 malformation but I couldn't do it justice. It is the invisible power over me. IT sounds dramatic and if you know me at all you'd know I loathe drama. But it's true so very true. I look at my life as before Thanksgiving and after Thanksgiving.
I've heard a lot of people tell me "it's no big deal" well I will continue to believe that my brain slipping down into my spinal cord is a big deal.
There. Now back to our regularly scheduled random bouts of witty nothingness.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I Need Superpowers
Really what mother hasn't felt this way? It has either been an interesting start to a very busy week or the end of one. I've never been able to decide about Sundays, they are vague at best.
I being the wonderful mother that I am somehow failed to realize my oldest daughter was turning 14 on Mon. Okay so technically I knew.....I just thought Mon was a lot further away. So much for the stellar memory I used to have, yeah boog sucked that one right out of me.
It dawns on me last night that I really do need to get her a spectacular gift, something that says wow your a great kid, a wonderful sister, still sane and most of the time not a jerk. All for under $20. Like trying to find the Lindbergh Baby.....
It started out with me realizing that on the floor of my truck are work related lunch leftovers that have been in my truck far too long and I will be the one that has to open them. I'm thinking it might be best to take them to a toxic waste disposal center and just buy new containers.
A lovely starting point for the day, I managed to top it by running a red light. That's what you get for saying "green means go dumbass" so many times in your life. I'm pretty sure the guy in the big white truck across from me was saying "Red means stop dumbass" and rightly so. Crap crap crap, i spent the next 1/2 hour searching for the Lindbergh Baby of birthday gifts and reminding my but it was no longer attached to the seat of my truck. You get the visual right?
So in my search for the birthday gift that says it all I decide on a plaid purple jacket, just what every teen girl wants and it's useful. Can someone please tell me how it's possible that there is not a single purple plaid jacket anywhere in town? The most horrifying fashion trend of all time currently permeates every school in the city. Call it Emo, 80's redux, gender bender chic whatever but purple is "the" color only I can't find it anywhere. The only jacket that comes close to resembling this sought after style is $80 some odd dollars.
Seriously...for a jacket that will without a doubt end up on the floor or at some point have a dog sleeping on it? Did I mention it's Sunday and any or all consignment shops are closed. Except the one I work for because empty handed as I was at noon, I still had to go to work.
To say I wasn't motivated at work was an understatement, .........
Friday is the birthday/halloween/costume party I agreed to.........Mercy
I being the wonderful mother that I am somehow failed to realize my oldest daughter was turning 14 on Mon. Okay so technically I knew.....I just thought Mon was a lot further away. So much for the stellar memory I used to have, yeah boog sucked that one right out of me.
It dawns on me last night that I really do need to get her a spectacular gift, something that says wow your a great kid, a wonderful sister, still sane and most of the time not a jerk. All for under $20. Like trying to find the Lindbergh Baby.....
It started out with me realizing that on the floor of my truck are work related lunch leftovers that have been in my truck far too long and I will be the one that has to open them. I'm thinking it might be best to take them to a toxic waste disposal center and just buy new containers.
A lovely starting point for the day, I managed to top it by running a red light. That's what you get for saying "green means go dumbass" so many times in your life. I'm pretty sure the guy in the big white truck across from me was saying "Red means stop dumbass" and rightly so. Crap crap crap, i spent the next 1/2 hour searching for the Lindbergh Baby of birthday gifts and reminding my but it was no longer attached to the seat of my truck. You get the visual right?
So in my search for the birthday gift that says it all I decide on a plaid purple jacket, just what every teen girl wants and it's useful. Can someone please tell me how it's possible that there is not a single purple plaid jacket anywhere in town? The most horrifying fashion trend of all time currently permeates every school in the city. Call it Emo, 80's redux, gender bender chic whatever but purple is "the" color only I can't find it anywhere. The only jacket that comes close to resembling this sought after style is $80 some odd dollars.
Seriously...for a jacket that will without a doubt end up on the floor or at some point have a dog sleeping on it? Did I mention it's Sunday and any or all consignment shops are closed. Except the one I work for because empty handed as I was at noon, I still had to go to work.
To say I wasn't motivated at work was an understatement, .........
Friday is the birthday/halloween/costume party I agreed to.........Mercy
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Frustration
I finally find my blog and write a virtual book only to have it deleted by my toddlers foot connecting with my laptop. Grrrrrrr is this a sign?
Monday, April 5, 2010
Forest for the trees??
It is apparently one of those days where a tree could fall on me and I wouldn't notice.
I've decided if you're going to blog you should at least know how to make new posts before announcing you have said blog. I thought a dashboard was located in a vehicle, again I was misinformed. Thankfully a fellow mother at the circus otherwise known as Home school Playgroup pointed out the bright blue button "new post" wth? how did I not see that?
It could be the fact that my day has already been a whirlwind of activity or it could just be my life.
What I do know is this, two year old boys are not the same as two year old girls. Boys are all about movement,trouble and beating on things, one screaming child can multiply into 500 screaming children faster than bunnies, and a straight jacket is looking more and more stylish with each passing day.
To be continued.........maybe
I've decided if you're going to blog you should at least know how to make new posts before announcing you have said blog. I thought a dashboard was located in a vehicle, again I was misinformed. Thankfully a fellow mother at the circus otherwise known as Home school Playgroup pointed out the bright blue button "new post" wth? how did I not see that?
It could be the fact that my day has already been a whirlwind of activity or it could just be my life.
What I do know is this, two year old boys are not the same as two year old girls. Boys are all about movement,trouble and beating on things, one screaming child can multiply into 500 screaming children faster than bunnies, and a straight jacket is looking more and more stylish with each passing day.
To be continued.........maybe
Sunday, April 4, 2010
What I swore I wouldn't do.......
I swore I would never blog. Couldn't see the point. Who exactly would read the witless rantings of nothingness I was sure to post about. I also swore I'd never use the words "because I'm your mother, because I said so and bees knees" Apparently I am a liar.
Shockingly this doesn't bother me. I love to write always have and hopefully always will. From the time I could pick up a pencil and legibly put together letters from the alphabet I have been writing. Now to be fair it has never been anything terribly deep, grammatically stunning or profound. Mostly fiction, fan-fiction, and my most favorite smut. Knock your socks off -find a lover smut but still non history making smut. I'm good with this too. Frankly I've come to the point in my life where I don't care if anyone reads or particularly likes what I write. I do it for me it. It allows me to empty my mind, I take out what runs through my brain and put it down on the paper. The metaphorical paper that is because yes I use a computer, usually I write on Microsoft word however the trial period of Microsoft office long since expired on my laptop and not having hundreds of dollars to buy an actual full copy I am stuck with word pad (gag) or google docs. Whatever.
Of course I say I write but the writing only happens when I have time....as if. I have four children, two dogs, a frog that does actually exist; only you can't see because the tank is murkier than Swamp Things abode, an amazing husband, I home school, help out my mom, am participating in a training for the awareness of those with disabilities and of course I am a stay at home mom. When I'm not in my car that is.
Which brings to mind the flaming yellow Suburban sitting in my driveway. I loved it for a long time till I bought it. Then I really liked it for quite some time. Now of course I have discovered the drawbacks of such a noticeable vehicle, no anonymous road rage, no wondering if the cop confused you with another vehicle as you sped by, and you never have to wonder if that's really my truck at the adult store. On the plus side I never have to wonder where I parked. EVER.
So to be fair the spare time I do have (really you shouldn't laugh so hard) is usually devoted to something that does not tax the mind. Currently my addiction is Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 platinum. Thank you very much Samantha for reminding me just how much I love this game. As time wasters go it is by far one of the better ones.
So why am I blogging? Maybe because I've decided my to do list just isn't quite full enough, more likely because I've been recently identified as an "expressive" which supposedly means a love of conceptual thinking and ideas but a dislike of detail oriented work. For anyone confused it really means a magnificent procrastinator who gives could talk. I'm sure Freud would have a field day with that but I'll worry about it later.
Truly I just felt the need to put out there into the land of nod (trust me at some point while reading my rantings you will nod off) the life I live.
I love my life and I say that without the slightest trace of sarcasam. I have a husband that truly is my knight in shining armor and my kids are fantastic. Three girls and one boy are my idea of perfection. Ranging in age from 13 to not quite 2, yes I have my handsfull and my heart too.
Sounds idyllic? Not really, idyllic doesn't generally involve a stack of bills, medical debt, a child experiencing disability, babies that don't breathe and an anxiety of bugs that requires medication. But I'll take my life over someone else's any day of the week.
Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it?
Shockingly this doesn't bother me. I love to write always have and hopefully always will. From the time I could pick up a pencil and legibly put together letters from the alphabet I have been writing. Now to be fair it has never been anything terribly deep, grammatically stunning or profound. Mostly fiction, fan-fiction, and my most favorite smut. Knock your socks off -find a lover smut but still non history making smut. I'm good with this too. Frankly I've come to the point in my life where I don't care if anyone reads or particularly likes what I write. I do it for me it. It allows me to empty my mind, I take out what runs through my brain and put it down on the paper. The metaphorical paper that is because yes I use a computer, usually I write on Microsoft word however the trial period of Microsoft office long since expired on my laptop and not having hundreds of dollars to buy an actual full copy I am stuck with word pad (gag) or google docs. Whatever.
Of course I say I write but the writing only happens when I have time....as if. I have four children, two dogs, a frog that does actually exist; only you can't see because the tank is murkier than Swamp Things abode, an amazing husband, I home school, help out my mom, am participating in a training for the awareness of those with disabilities and of course I am a stay at home mom. When I'm not in my car that is.
Which brings to mind the flaming yellow Suburban sitting in my driveway. I loved it for a long time till I bought it. Then I really liked it for quite some time. Now of course I have discovered the drawbacks of such a noticeable vehicle, no anonymous road rage, no wondering if the cop confused you with another vehicle as you sped by, and you never have to wonder if that's really my truck at the adult store. On the plus side I never have to wonder where I parked. EVER.
So to be fair the spare time I do have (really you shouldn't laugh so hard) is usually devoted to something that does not tax the mind. Currently my addiction is Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 platinum. Thank you very much Samantha for reminding me just how much I love this game. As time wasters go it is by far one of the better ones.
So why am I blogging? Maybe because I've decided my to do list just isn't quite full enough, more likely because I've been recently identified as an "expressive" which supposedly means a love of conceptual thinking and ideas but a dislike of detail oriented work. For anyone confused it really means a magnificent procrastinator who gives could talk. I'm sure Freud would have a field day with that but I'll worry about it later.
Truly I just felt the need to put out there into the land of nod (trust me at some point while reading my rantings you will nod off) the life I live.
I love my life and I say that without the slightest trace of sarcasam. I have a husband that truly is my knight in shining armor and my kids are fantastic. Three girls and one boy are my idea of perfection. Ranging in age from 13 to not quite 2, yes I have my handsfull and my heart too.
Sounds idyllic? Not really, idyllic doesn't generally involve a stack of bills, medical debt, a child experiencing disability, babies that don't breathe and an anxiety of bugs that requires medication. But I'll take my life over someone else's any day of the week.
Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it?
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